Tonight as I took a stroll down memory lane I found a fave pic from Bulgaria.

MTW Bulgaria’s team leader’s wife (got that?) posted this song on Facebook.

Encourgaing.

Listen.

LIFE

Airing your dirty laundry is where freedom starts. I would like to submit that airing laundry, dirty or not, is simply wonderful. I have a lot going on my life right now, and most of it I can’t talk about on this oh-so-public blog. Last Sunday I was able to share with about 10 close friends in my LIFE group. I didn’t realize how good it would feel to share with my community. My world is currently wrapped up in the future and it feels so nice to be able to share my world with others. Sharing your passions and hopefully getting other people wrapped up in your passions is pretty wonderful! I heart community!

I have been thinking a lot lately about sin and imperfection. While, that’s not a bad thing to think about, if you are thinking about it in light of the gospel, it can become hard to say the least. Slowly, I’ve become a little downcast.

I’m about to burn my lunch, so I’m going to have to finish my thoughts later, but for now I will leave you with this quote that I saw on twitter this afternoon.

Psalm 45

Today I’m struggling greatly with the sins of my past (and maybe some in the present). I’m dealing with shame and embarrassment. Lately sin is bubbling up at a rapid pace. It’s hard.  I struggle severely with wanting to put on a face, a face that makes me look like a good, sweet and wise Christian little woman. I find myself wanting to forfeit the grace of God and prove my merits. I have an ugly heart (apart from Christ), it’s deceitful above all, but so is everyone’s. However, I think mine may be worse. I think my baggage is a little bigger than everyone’s. I think I sin more. Now, I know this isn’t true, but I’m finding it hard to rest in the truth, that I am a beloved daughter of Christ. I am provided for. I am in the strong and tender hands of the sovereign God of the universe. He loves me. I have to remember this, because apart from it there is nothing but chaos and despair. Today, my arms are soar from pulling on my bootstraps. I need to rest in the loving kindness of a savior that is in love me, regardless of how I look and how unfaithful I am to him.

I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really know the intention of this psalm, but when I read it I feel beautiful and for the record, that never happens. To know that my king may actually think of me as beautiful stops me in my tracks. The king of the universe likes me and loves me. This is revolutionary stuff.

From Psalm 45:

Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father’s house,
and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him.
The people of Tyre will seek your favor with gifts,
the richest of the people.

All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold.
In many-colored robes she is led to the king,
with her virgin companions following behind her.
With joy and gladness they are led along
as they enter the palace of the king.

re-post

Back when I took these pictures I was new to wordpress and I couldn’t figure out how to make them bigger. Now I know and by the way, I’m still not an expert on wordpress, as a matter of fact I feel like a dummy most of the time as I navigate my way through all the menus. Anywho, I really like these pictures so I’m doing a re-post now that I know how to make them bigger.

present

I wish I could write things that were on my mind, but I can’t, it wouldn’t be wise at this juncture in my life and career. I will say that I’m having a hard time being present where I am. My mind is somewhere else and I imagine that the upcoming 6 months are going to be hard. Today I was backing out of my driveway and my mind was anywhere but Birmingham, AL. I backed straight into a brick wall. The damage wasn’t terrible, but there was a bit. I sat in my car and just told myself that it’s ok to dream, but I have to be present where I am. If I don’t shape up soon my job and relationships with friends and family are going to suffer. I’m trying to figure how to be excited and hopeful, but present. I don’t want my relationships and job to look like the rear of my car.

A list

The itinerary for my trip was simple, follow Dal or Beth around. Dal is the team leader. This is an atypical agenda for this type of trip, but as Dal told me, this is their busiest time of the year. I spent time experiencing The Well, a most awesome internship program. I spent time in markets, in the flat with the family, walking through the city, at their offices, in the car, in team member’s flats and so on. It wasn’t a typical European vacation, I simply lived life among missionaries. And it was absolutely wonderful. I didn’t want to leave at all! So, now I need some assistance in talking through this trip, so I will write a list. Lists are less pressure-filled to me. Here goes:

1. The team. I didn’t get to spend too much time with the team as a whole. However, in those few moments I was with them I saw a small group of people care for each other. They are a close-knit family. They ask how each other is doing and not just in some polite fashion. They want to know. Based on your response they will do anything from just listen to ask how they can help you. It was a wonderful thing to see. The friendships were real and deep. I loved watching them care for each other.

2. The mall. They have a big American mall in the middle of Sofia. It was weird and out-of-place. Most of the markets are small. Then you have this giant mall with a food court and everything. They even have a place called Carrefour. It’s a like a french Wal-Mart. It was not what I expected, but I have to say that it was nice!

3. The Peace Corps. One thing I never planned on doing while in Bulgaria was learning about the Peace Corps. First, let me say, believers are few and far between in Bulgaria. If one enters the country it’s a matter of time before you hear, “I heard there’s a Christian in this random remote village in the south.” Christians network well. It’s because we are designed for community and God is good to give opportunities for networking. There are a lot of peace corp volunteers scattered throughout the country. Of them there are 3 believers. In their free time them travel all the way to Sofia to stay with Dal and Beth just to get good, quality time with believers. I spent a lot of time with Cyrus and Stephanie, a married couple from California. They have been in Bulgaria for over a year now. On Sunday we had team worship. It was in English. Stephanie just cried because that was only her second time in a year to worship in English. The last night I spent with them she said that she was so thankful to meet me. She loved the fellowship. She felt ministered to. I didn’t do a thing, but this confirms my thoughts that we need to have more missions trips. Not VBS trips, construction trips and so on, but trips where a small group intentionally goes somewhere in the world simply to be with missionaries. It always seems to minister their souls tremendously. I know that I will be desperate for it one day.

4. The gypsies. Bulgaria is full of gypsies. They don’t look like what you would think a gypsy would look like. And to be more PC I guess I should call them the Roma people. I heard about them…a lot. They are blamed for a lot around the country. Granted, it’s somewhat deserved, they do tend to steal and manipulate. There is a great deal of pre-marital sex and rape in their communities. It’s rough. However, just because you are Roma doesn’t mean you are a shyster. I sense a bit of racism between Bulgarians and Romas. The Romas need the Lord. I hope to learn a lot more about them one day.

5. History. As I mentioned in a previous post Bulgaria has had an interesting history. They have been ruled over for most of their existence. Like most of Europe, they have super old buildings. Beautiful buildings. Bulgarians a proud of their culture and history. From what I gathered, during my 8 days there, they feel behind. They barely feel a part of Europe, which I can totally understand. I think a lot of people from Eastern Europe feel this way and the West and the East are worlds a part. I even heard one person say that Western Europe just uses them as a buffer from Russia and the Middle East. Western Europe doesn’t care what happens to them. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I can understand why they would feel that way.

6. Superstition. Those Bulgarians are a superstitious bunch. They don’t like wind or breezes. It will make them sick. You can’t sit on the ground or you will become infertile. They hang fertility bracelets on trees so that they will have a good cherry harvest. It’s interesting. I don’t believe in any of that. However, I wouldn’t sit on the ground while I was there because even though I don’t believe in their superstitions I don’t want to alienate myself from the Bulgarians.

Well, that was a very tiny glimpse into my wonderfully life changing trip. I’m calling it quits for now.

Zephaniah 3:17

Since coming home from Bulgaria I have refrained from writing an actual post about my trip. Why? Because I don’t know how I could ever communicate the total amazingness of my experience, buy alas I will try.

I landed in Sofia after 24 hours of travel, without my luggage of course. I stood in an airport on foreign soil alone with a Bulgarian asking me where I will be staying. She needed a local address and phone number. I was battling tears, the big crocodile kind. Frantically shuffling through all of my travel papers trying to find this information, she saw the panic, exhaustion and frustration in my eyes and said, “Why don’t I walk with you outside and meet the people who are picking you up? They can give me the information, yes?” So, this is an example of a very small moment in my trip. I had lots of moments along the way, from the very beginning of this journey over a month ago, until when I safely arrived in Birmingham where God not only provided for me, but he went above and beyond and took care of me, kindly and lovingly.

Throughout the preparation, travel and my entire time in Bulgaria God put the kibosh on all of my fears. He simply squashed them. When one of my biggest fears didn’t come true (like I was convinced it would), I just chuckled. I waste a lot of time worrying about things. I waste a lot of time scheming so that I won’t have to live out my fears. I could have been resting in the goodness of my savior, knowing that he will work things out. This may be one of my biggest take aways from the trip. God is good to me. He loves me. He is kind to me. He lavishes good on me. He orchestrates all things in the universe for his glory. I am a VERY well provided for daughter of the sovereign king of the universe. While I know that I will inevitably struggle with all of this again, because that’s what I do, I feel like I have learned more deeply about my saviors love for me. It’s totally, 100% undeserved. I don’t understand it. But I am tremendously awed.

MTW Bulgaria

This video is very important to me. I may have shared it before. I love to watch it now that I’ve been.